Fast forward to about 2 months ago when a good friend was hosting a wine tasting party for a new business he was launching.  I thought at the time, “Wouldn’t it be great if I could host a wine tasting party for Habitat and give the proceeds to them?”  About a month later while speaking with some members of my local Habitat for Humanity, I realized they had an event going on called the “World’s Biggest House Party” which local people host parties and the proceeds go to Habitat.  You could structure the party and way you wanted so my choice was wine.  We had about 56 people there and raised almost $700 in profit for Habitat.  Not a bad day’s work.

It really was who you become in the process of making an event happen that takes you to the next level as a person.  It was a lot of fun and a lot of work going to local businesses and asking them to doante in these rough economic times.  Many said no.  Enough said yes.  But you can’t quit. I never do and won’t until we reach our magic goal of $1 million, enough to build 10 and a half houses for Habitat for Humanity.  People really seemed to have a good time which I was happy with, and genuinely felt good about giving.  That’s the thing, they didn’t come for the wine, they came out of the goodness of their heart.  People can disappoint you often but it’s important to remember that everybody has good in them, and when that happens it is important to recognize and embrace that fact.

So wine was the catalyst to spur this idea on but in reality, the inspiration was my Dad.  The great example he set has focused me on what truly is important in life.  Thanks again Dad.

Who has inspired you to take action?  If the answer is nobody, maybe you can do the inspiring.

Always a friend to listen,

Eric Tomei-author I Miss My Dad

http://www.facebook.com/imissmydad

I was in a charity golf outing this weekend honoring one of our beloved family members, who I have written about earlier, who passed away from a 2 year battle with leukemia in March.  Ironically, the golf outing was on 9-11 and it couldn’t have been more fitting since he was a police officer.  That day to me, is a day to honor all heroes, who make a difference in our lives daily.  100% of the proceeds went to support the family.

What a great day to honor a great man.  In the back of my mind I always think of my Dad as he was the father of two very small children.  Thankfully since the golf outing was in the same city as his wife and children, we paid them a visit after.  His kids are 6 and 2, and these are happy kids.  The 6 year old understands it but he has got so much cool stuff going on like starting school, playing baseball games, etc.  It was great he wanted to show me all the cool stuff in his room and what each stuffed animal’s name was, danced in the kitchen, and ate pizza.  I thought to myself, “Geez why can’t more adults be like that?”  He understands to a point the sadness and the fact that his Dad is never coming back.  It’s tough at times, but the carefree part of life is something we all wish we could get back.

I enjoyed that visit immensely because it taught me to keep everything in perspective.  There are going to be tough days when all you can think about is the loss of your loved one.  There are also going to be days you feel like dancing and playing around.  Both are great days for that person is never far from your thoughts and heart.

A question I have for you is: What are you doing today to honor your Dad or loved one?

Always a friend to listen,
Eric Tomei-author I Miss My Dad

Check us out on facebook: http://www.facebook.com/imissmydad

Having played baseball for 10 years and coached for 4, I think I am fairly astute about the game so it was good to talk the same language as someone who understood the game.  My patient went on to tell me that his son was a great pitcher and his son played travel baseball. He was telling me about his games, and you could tell there was a genuine sense of pride on his face as he was talking.  Proud parents when they are talking about their kids sometimes can’t stop.  But really it is just a source of pride.  I used to get really irritated it and I never figured out why.  I did a couple of days ago and when I realized it I wasn’t irritated at all.  I was jealous.

I can probably count on one hand the number of compliments my Dad gave me in my lifetime and I unfortunately can’t remember those.  I was jealous because I never saw that look in my Dad’s eye, that look of being so proud you can’t stop talking.  I really don’t remember anybody coming up to me and telling me that he ever had that look.  So all the little things we remember about our Dad or loved one are those special things that we hold onto for the rest of our lives.  But I won’t miss never hearing that “Good job” from my Dad, because had he lived, I wouldn’t have heard it either.  Not bad. Not good. Just the way it is.  And that’s OK.

What are some things about your Dad that you will/won’t miss?

Always a friend to listen,

Eric Tomei-author I Miss My Dad

Check out the I Miss My Dad community on facebook! http://www.facebook.com/imissmydad

I am trying to think how it would be different if he was there.  My mom would be happier for sure, he would wear a tuxedo just like at my sister’s wedding, hopefully we would have had some new bonding moment where he would say a nugget of wisdom about married life.  All of these things are “what ifs” and that to me is the saddest part about an extraordinarily happy day.

Many people will say that day things like, “Your Dad would have been so proud of you.” or “He is looking down on you today.”  Yeah, maybe.  But the truth is people don’t know, nobody does except the one person who can’t answer the question.  It has been tough for me in some respects because I am trying to divide my time and energies between many people in my family while still trying to make everybody as stress free as possible.  Thank God my family gets along well with my fiance.  I am thankful for that every single day.

I have already thought of ways to honor my “Four Fathers” who have passed.  My godfather, both grandfathers and my father all passed away in a 15 year span.  I never thought I would be in this situation, but it becomes a more comfortable reality each passing day.  I am praying that they are having a big party in October because they deserve to let the hair down, just like we are going to.

It will be one of the happiest days of my life, but one of the most bittersweet as well.  I plan on experiencing emotions that I have never felt before.  It will be a day to remember.  More to come…

Always a friend to listen,

Eric Tomei-author I Miss My Dad

http://www.facebook.com/imissmydad is the online community on Facebook for I Miss My Dad!  An open invitation for all to experience the care and love through shared stories.

I am sure everyone has things about their loved one that drives them nuts. The real challenge is to appreciate those things in that person not let it drive you to the point of insanity.  Those things or “quirks” as people call them are what makes life not only interesting but worth living because they are so wonderful.  Most people just don’t realize it at the time until it is too late.

One of the things my Dad was famous for was getting up early.  He used to get up at about 5 AM and he was responsible for getting us out of bed in the morning for school. His solution to this was to flick the upstairs light on and off what seemed like forever and then he yelled every morning, “Time to get up.”  My sisters and I used to dread hearing that voice because you always want that 5 more precious minutes of sleep you can’t get.  But for as much as it annoyed me, guess what I am writing about now?  It was really funny to think about that now, because I can still hear his voice, as if it was yesterday.

My point is try not to confuse annoying and irritating with endearing and caring.  They might actually turn into the same thing one day…

Always a friend to listen…

Eric Tomei-author I Miss My Dad…

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I often think if that is what my Dad’s final moments were like.  I think I have such a clear picture of what happened I remember it like I was there but I was an hour away.  My Dad was sitting on the edge of the bed, turned to answer a question my Mom asked and then fell face first into the wall while getting ready for church.  By the time my sister turned him over he was blue and CPR was futile. Dead of a heart attack at 57.   It really hit home with me yesterday.

One of the things that both Carter and Jack Nicholson’s character, Edward, enjoyed was an African safari.  My fiance even commented on how cool it would be to go on an African safari.  All of the other places they had gone too, she didn’t really say much but Africa she wanted to go to, just like my Dad.  He had always wanted to go on an African safari but never got around to it.  Everytime I see something like an African safari I am dissappointed that he did not get a chance to go.  It is important for everybody to do exactly what they want to do in this life, for you only get one chance.  You better make the most of it because do-overs are not on the schedule.

The Bucket List is a great movie for many reasons.  First, it forces us to realize there are a lot of people who are going through a lot more serious crapp then the mundane things in life we take for granted such as somebody cutting us off when we are driving or waiting in line for things.  Second, live every day and every minute.  Time is infinite, you are not.  Last, it was just a well-acted darn good movie.  It is well worth the endearing lessons the movie offers you.

I started making my Bucket List today have you?????

Always a friend to listen,

Eric Tomei-author I Miss My Dad

Check out the I Miss My Dad fan page on Facebook. Be a part of this growing community!  http://www.facebook.com/imissmydad

My birthday, like almost all of my birthdays past, was absolutely wonderful.  I started off with breakfast being made for me by my mom and then we had our second annual golf outing with my uncle, siblings and cousins, followed by a barbeque.  It seemed like all of my favorite foods were at this barbeque thanks to my mom and aunt.  Cheeseburgers (a personal favorite), tuna macaroni salad, pesto chicken, Dorito taco salad, and of course Funfetti cupcakes (another personal favorite) and apple pie (my all time favorite dessert).  The phone calls, text messages, cards and gifts all equaled such a special day.  I couldn’t ask for a better day.  Or could I?  It was also the 4th birthday that my Dad wasn’t there to celebrate with me.

My Dad never really did much to celebrate my birthday.  He thought I always went overboard on my birthday and I thought he never cared enough about his own birthday when he had his special day.  He would usually just give me a head nod and say, “Happy Birthday.”  For some strange reason since I haven’t got that head nod in 4 years it seems like something very little is still missing from my life.  It’s hard not to reflect and think on any special day of the year what it would be like if things had not changed so drastically on one given day.  Things change and it is just a little different than when you celebrated before.  Not worse, just different. 

Take time to reflect on special holidays such as birthdays about all the positive memories from your Dad or loved one.  It will be a trip down memory lane that is well worth taking.  Realize that alhough these people are not here physically to celebrate with you, they are always in your heart and mind guiding you through your days.  

For me, I appreciated the small details of life like getting to enjoy another funfetti cupcake for a year, and it tasted really good. So it wasn’t just another birthday, it was the birthday that just keeps getting better every year. 

Question for the day: Who’s birthday will you help celebrate that might need some help in the celebration department?

Always a friend to listen,

Eric Tomei-author I Miss My Dad

Check out the growing facebook fan page for I Miss My Dad: http://www.facebook.com/imissmydad. 2,300 fans and growing strong!  Please be part of our growing community.

A culinary genius he was not, but what he made in the rare instances did taste good.  He used to take four pieces of white, Italian bread, put them on a plate, slice tomato, top the bread with tomato, put Italian dressing, salt and pepper and dug in.  It was pretty darn good even though at the end you were eating nothing but soggy white bread with Italian dressing with a little bit of tomato.

His other Wolfgang Puck moment was when he would take leftover Italian sausage from the night before and mix it with eggs the next morning.  I really have never seen someone eat slightly rubbery, yellowish-brown eggs with sausage, but my Dad found a way.  They were not really all that bad.  I always knew that the day after we had Italian sausage you can bet that those links were diced and drowning in eggs the next day.

When my sisters and I were little he used to put vanilla ice cream into a bowl and pour some creme de menthe liquer in there.  We liked it for two reasons, one it turned the ice cream minty green, and two we were drinking grown up stuff.  Both very cool at such a young age.

It is these three things that I remember when I am in the kitchen and something doesn’t taste as good as it should.  Generations consistently get better at what they are doing, and hopefully when I make the Kraft Mac n Cheese at least I don’t burn it. These foods connect me with a sense of family and fun times as we always gave my Dad a hard time when he cooked.  But he tried, and didn’t stop trying because if he did I would not have remembered all of these great memories today.

Wherever you are Dad as they say before all traditional Italian meals: Bon apetit.  Or maybe it’s before all traditional French meals…

Can you remember a time where the smell or a taste of a food triggered a memory of your Dad or loved one for you?

Always a friend to listen,

Eric Tomei-author I Miss My Dad

Check out the I Miss My Dad facebook page: http://www.facebook.com/imissmydad

Tiger’s Dad, Earl, was his best friend.  I remember when he won the 1997 Masters and the first person he came over and hugged was his Dad.  His embrace with his Dad was so real and genuine that I was touched by it as were millions of other viewers that day.  The bond between these two could never be questioned as it was friend, confidante, mentor, and Dad all rolled into one.  Unfortunately Earl Woods passed away in 2006 from cancer.  It struck me as very parallel to my situation.  My Dad died in 2006, Tiger and I are exactly the same age, and we each have $500 million in the bank. OK, so the last part isn’t true yet. 

What struck me in the latest issue of People magazine as Tiger was talking about his Dad he said, “My Dad was my best friend and greatest role model.  Everything I do and everything I am is because of him.”  Translation: You never forget when a parent or close loved one dies.  There are always a part of you and they always will and should be.  Tiger was also talking about the fact that his kids will never have a chance to meet their grandfather and he will never have the chance to ask him parenting advice.  I feel the exact same way.  You want someone who has been a Dad before for the advice, like ”Hey, am I going to screw the kid up if I do this?”  I don’t have children yet but I suspect I will feel the same way Tiger feels when I have children of my own. 

His final quote when talking about his Dad: “A lot of things he taught me about being a father is just through example. How important it is to be there for the child, no matter what.  To love them unconditionally.  To earn their respect, earn their trust.  All those things he did for me.  Hopefully, I’ll be able to do that with my kids.” 

Amen Tiger, I could not have said it better myself.

How are you going to be the Dad or role model for your children today or in the future?

Always a friend to listen,

Eric Tomei-author I Miss My Dad

Check out our I Miss My Dad fan page on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/imissmydad

But here is a news flash: celebrities are just normal people who have been given an extraordinary talent that they have used well.  They all crave the exact same things that we do love, family, and the support and respect of fans.  About a week someone did an interview with Michael Jackson and Jackson said, “He was a  lonely man.”  A lonely man?  Wow!  You have three kids, a huge family, and millions of fans worldwide.  But in his mind, his basic needs as a human being were not being met.  For someone who had such an extraordinary life by everyone’s standards, he certainly wanted very ordinary things out of life.  These things are things that all of us take for granted in life until we do not have them anymore.

What courage it took for his young daughter to speak in front of 20,000 people and tell the world how she felt about her Dad.  It seemed genuine and heartfelt and if you think it is easy to speak in front of anybody in your time of suffering and grief, much less 20,000 people, then I am here to tell you it does not matter the amount of people it is just difficult.  Kudos to his daughter, it was absolutely a bold and courageous speech she gave.

Regardless of whether you liked Michael Jackson the person or not, it doesn’t matter.  What seperates Michael Jackson the entertainer from Michael Jackson the custodian is not much.  In the end we are all judged by the body of work we have completed in life.

The question I have for you today is: What will you be remembered for when the sun sets on your days?

Always a friend to listen,

Eric Tomei-author I Miss My Dad

Check out the I Miss My Dad fan page on facebook.  http://www.facebook.com/imissmydad